Speaker's ToolsWe are doing automobile, so don't think in terms of Ferrari or gold plated automobiles and all that stuff. For now just think in terms of people.
Answer: Gucci.
John: Gucci.
Answer: Howard Hughes.
John: Howard Hughes.
Answer: Queen of Mean.
John: Queen of Mean - Leona Helmsley.
Answer: Shaw of Iran.
Answer: Merv Griffin.
John: Okay, we've got some people in there. Now lets get some expensive Places.
Answer: The Blue Fox.
John: The Blue Fox, Neiman Marcus.
Answer: Bel Air.
John: Bel Air, Fort Knox.
Answer: Oil Wells in Kuwait.
John: Oil Wells in Kuwait.
Answer: Las Vegas.
John: Las Vegas. Okay, some expensive Things.
Answer: Mink Coat.
John: Mink Coat. A Picasso painting.
Answer: Gold nugget.
John: Gold nugget.
Answer: Car insurance.
John: Car insurance.
Answer: Rolling Stone concert.
John: Rolling Stone concert.
Answer: Tiffany glass.
John: Tiffany glass.
Answer: Godiva Chocolates
John: Godiva Chocolates. And what is that, uh Dom Perignon champagne. Okay. Now our Miscellaneous. Anything to do with, you know, 'if you've got it flaunt it.' Anything for Miscellaneous. It's better to be rich than happy.
Answer: You can never be considered too rich.
John: You can never be considered too rich. I'd love to just have the taxes they pay on that car. Remember, we've switched gears here. We're not writing about our car being old. We're writing about our friend's expensive Ferrari. Or we're writing a humor article about the obscene amount of money spent on Ferraris. Or we're giving a talk to the Ferrari Dealers of America. We're going to get some joke ideas.
Well, ladies and gentleman. The Ferrari is an expensive car. Let me put it this way...
Answer: The Pope is my chauffeur.
John: The Pope is my chauffeur. Remember exaggerate - exaggerate. Okay...
Answer: Gucci did the floor mats.
John: Gucci did the floor mats! And who did the paint job?
Answer: Picasso.
John: Picasso!
Answer: Paul McCartney spit on my windshield.
John: Paul McCartney spit on my windshield and charged me $5 bucks to wipe it off. There you go. Remember I told you when you were doing 'old' you'd get the feel for it. Good, good. Some more stuff. It's an expensive car. It doesn't have a radio. It's the Rolling Stones in the back seat. Or I love classical music so who's a classic violinist. Who's a classical violinist. Huh?
Answer: Broman.
John: Broman playing a Stradivarius. It's an expensive car. It comes with a wine cellar. It's an expensive car. It doesn't run on gas it runs on cocaine. It's an expensive car....
Answer: Put Perrier in the cooling system.
John: Put Perrier in the cooling system.
Answer: Swimming pool and a hot tub.
John: Swimming pool and a hot tub. The seat covers are...
Answer: Mink.
John: Mink lined! Basic, basic, basic... If you start listening to comedians from now on and reading articles and see exaggeration - this is what they did. They took something from over here, they took something from over there and put it together. That's how you get the exaggeration joke. Okay. Expensive car...
Answer: DeLaurian is my curb feeler.
John: DeLaurian is my curb feeler, okay.
Answer: The insurance is so expensive...
John: Avoid the tendency to say my blank was so blank because that is real strong habit to get into and avoid saying it. God, real expensive insurance...
Answer: Buy it at Tiffany's.
John: Had to buy it at Tiffany's... Uh, the insurance only covers me if I'm on Rodeo Drive.
Answer: The convertible top is the Sistine Chapel.
John: The convertible top is the Sistine Chapel! Wow! Anybody else with something. Expensive car...
Answer: Comes with its own oil well.
John: Comes with its own oil well! Okay, good!
