VIRTUAL COMEDY WRITING COURSE
by John Cantu

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"If I give you a joke, I make you funny for a day. If I teach you to joke, I make you funny for a lifetime."® by John Cantu © HumorMall.com

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the VIRTUAL COMEDY WRITING COURSE

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Writing Our First Chunk
Word Plays á la MASH - Part I

June 9, 2009

Now, we've developed a body of material here and we're going to write a chunk on automobiles. We will write a chunk on offices later.

We're going to go on to a new technique called Word Plays. Essentially, I'm going to show you how to avoid getting groans with your word plays.

In your hand-out, I don't have Word Plays slanted towards automobiles or offices. We'll use a different slant for now, then come back later and write some on automobiles and offices.

But for now, I have a lot of samples taken from the TV show MASH. I do this deliberately because many people consider MASH as one of the best TV shows ever written. Therefore, I took samples from it for one of two reasons. Many people think that the Word Play is the lowest form of humor. People do not like Word Plays by and large. And the reason why they don't like Word Plays is they're usually done badly. There's nothing wrong with Word Plays when they're supported properly. Now don't go ahead, just look at the first page. Do not read ahead in this for right now.

In Word Plays, when they are setup properly and supported properly, they will get just as big a laugh as any other type of joke. I deliberately used MASH examples like I said, because people consider it a great show. But if you ever watched MASH, it's Word Play, after Word Play, after Word Play. But no one says, 'You know, MASH, it's a great show with a lot of puns.' You don't think of them being puns. You don't think of them being Word Plays because they are supported by situation and character. When you learn to support your Word Plays with situation and character they're a lot more effective. So the primarily examples for this technique is mostly from MASH.

First of all, what you have to do is start out with an everyday expression. Now for your presentation or monologue, you sit down first and write your chunk. Then you go back, look at your chunk of material and try to find words that have different meanings. When we actually write about automobiles we'll say 'seat-cover.' Well, seat-covers can be on a car or seat covers can be something going over your butt. We'll look at that during polishing. Right now we're going to deal with some arbitrarily given expressions: Keep our bills down; Army Security Clearance; form of identification; habit forming; take baby bird home and nurse it back to health; morphine; shampoo; nobody knows the troubles I've seen; mail order catalog; in the still of the night bible belt.

Nothing is principally funny about those expressions. That's why you have to find the humor in it. What you have to do is understand the difference between the real meaning as used and other possible meanings. And then you go back and structure the joke so people think you're talking about the 'normal' meaning until they realize at some point, 'oh you're talking about a different meaning of it.'

Writing Our First Chunk
Word Plays á la MASH - Part II

June 16, 2009

When we say keep our bills down. I want everybody to write down a definition first. Actually, what I want you to do is write down a definition for each one: Keep our bills down; Army Security Clearance; form of identification; habit forming... What does that mean to you.

Don't write a paragraph. All we need to do is write down a few words - what that means or how that could be used. If you don't understand what I'm talking about just hang tight and it will come up in the discussion. But for right now - for the ones you say, 'oh, this means this,' 'I don't know what he means by that but this one means this.' Go down each one of those and write an everyday explanation for each of those expressions.

Okay, how are we doing on the real meanings? What are some of the definitions for 'keep our bills?'

Answer: Economize.
John: Economize. Budget.

Answer: Less plastic.
John: Less plastic. Yeah, okay.

See the real meaning. You don't have to identically do what somebody else does. What is the real meaning used in these everyday expressions. 'Army Security Clearance.' What does that normally refer to?

Answer: You can shop at the PX.
John: Shop at the PX. I have - I'm an MP and I have an Army Security Clearance that allows me to go certain places and read certain files that not everybody can read or have access to. You can read files that not everybody can read or you can go to places not everybody can go without the clearance. 'Form of identification'...

Answer: Driver License.
John: Driver License. Okay. Some other forms of identification. How's that normally used?

Answer: A card which explains who you are.
John: A card which explains who you are.

Answer: Unforgable form with name, address, age and weight.
John: Unforgable form with name, address, age and weight. Could be a thumb-print, could be dental charts. A lot of different areas we have but we know what it means, a form of identification. 'Habit forming?'

Answer: Compulsive.
John: Compulsive.

Answer: When you do it once you have to keep doing it.
John: When you do it once you have to keep doing it. You do it over and over again. You do it everyday. Okay. We've got the idea. Now. 'Morphine'...

Writing Our First Chunk
Word Plays á la MASH - Part III

June 23, 2009

All we need to do is write down a few words - what it means or how it could be used. What are some of the definitions for 'Morphine'...

Answer: Painless.
Answer: Pain killer.
John: Painless, pain killer.

Answer: Heroin substitute.
John: Heroin substitute. 'Nobody knows the troubles I've seen...'

Answer: My life sucks.
John: My life sucks.

Answer: Secrets.
John: Secrets.

Answer: Hard life.
John: Hard life. It's also a refrain from an old song. 'Mail order catalog...'

Answer: Documented shopping mall.
John: Documented shopping mall. That's actually... Write that down. You could send that to Reader's Digest. That's good. That's a nice filler for them. I like that. I've never heard that before. Okay - 'in the still of the night'...

Answer: When it's quiet and dark.
John: When it's quiet and dark. What else - in the still of the night. Isn't that a song or a something? Okay, 'Bible Belt.'

Answer: Keeps your pants up in a situation.
John: Okay but what does the 'Bible Belt' really mean? In real life.

Answer: The South.
John: The South is the Bible Belt. It's a geographical area. People tend to be very, very Christian. That's what the Bible Belt really is.

Okay. Now on to other meanings. We're going to do this aloud and you can join in and write down stuff that you hear that kicks off in your head. Other meanings. 'Keep our bills down.' Now this is where you have fun. Have I told you about not letting logic imped your fancy? Put that at the top. Right up here by Word Plays. But this is for everything. Don't let logic imped your fancy. I think that might be a quote from the Hollywood School of Comedy Writing. In other words, don't sit down and say, 'Oh, that's dumb, that stupid, that won't work.' Use this technique when you're brainstorming. When you're writing stuff down, folks, anything you write down now you have the choice later whether to polish it or not. So don't worry about it. Now in here, for the sake of the class I do have censorship on either ethic insults or sexual insults about people's sexual preferences. Other than that, everything is fair game. But when you're at home, don't censor yourself. You just write down anything and if it's really terrible you just don't use it later on in your monolog.

Writing Our First Chunk
Word Plays á la MASH - Part IV

June 30, 2009

Now on to other meanings. We're going to do this aloud and you can join in and write down stuff that you hear that kicks off in your head. Other meanings. 'Keep our bills down.'

Answer: Ducks in the rain.
John: Ducks in the rain. Ducks keeping their bill down. Okay. Write that down, write that down folks. Remember if you say it, write it down. Actually if you're the one with the idea, write it down first then say it. Okay.

Answer: Baseball cap on backwards.
John: Baseball cap on backwards. The bill of a baseball cap. Or you could be wearing a regular cap but just looking at the ground.

Answer: A bunch of guys named Bill.
John: A bunch of guys named Bill! On the ground. Maybe a cop pulls over a bunch of guys named Bill and keeps them on the ground. Or giving tranquilizers to a bunch of guys name Bill. Don't let logic imped your fancy. Keeping our bills down.

Answer: Duck cries during hunting season.
John: Oh, ducks cries during hunting season. Ducks going, 'Keep your bills down.' That's almost like a Gary Larson cartoon. Okay. Good, good. Anybody else before we go on to the next one. When the big duck comes around. How about physically keeping your bills down. Taking all your bills and sticking them on the ground and putting something on them to hold them down. You've got a big stack of bills and you put a rock on them.

Answer: Crazy glue works a lot better.
John: Crazy glue works a lot better for keeping your bills down. Okay, next - Army Security Clearance.

Answer: That's going a long way around.
John: Okay that's going a long way around the Army Bases. Army Security Clearance. How about the PX. A lot of the times, somebody might say do you have clearance. What's your clearance.

Answer: Six feet.
John: Six feet. There's a punchline if I ever heard one. Jackpot.

Form of identification. Now, we need to work on this one. When we talked about forms of identification it was difficult. We mentioned the common aspects, such as some types are plastic with a name and an address. Other stuff it could be put on would be dental charts. It could be a thumb print. It could be your blood type. There are other ways to identify you. Normally we think about some type of plastic. And I specifically used the term 'form' of identification. Actually what term do people use in real life? If you go to the bank, what would they say? Do you have any ID. Do you have any piece of identification? The common term is piece not form. I'm setting this up for a joke and I just wanted to give you an analogy - the difference between using the right word and the almost right word.

Next: Writing Our First Chunk - Word Plays á la MASH Part V

Earlier lessons will be available for one month HERE:

And then be available only via subscription to InnerSanctum until the next class.