• Joe Ditzel is a Los Angeles based comedian and author. He performs at corporate events, comedy clubs, and colleges.
• Ditzel is a member of the Friar's Club as well as the National Speakers Association and the Second City Conservatory in Los Angeles. He is also an original member of the Net Wits, an association of leading humor columnists. Contact Joe by e-mail at jditzel@joeditzel.com

I had a good set at the Comedy Store. A comic friend sat down across the table.

"You know, you should do commercials", he said.

"You mean, like a spokesperson, an executive type?" I pictured myself in a $2,000 suit holding up the latest cold medicine, stating in stentorian tones, "This medicine is so strong, you won't feel your headache, or anything else, including your feet."

"Well, more like a neighbor guy", he said. "A guy that has a riding mower."

"Oh."

Actors tell me it is important to know yourself so you can predict how casting agents will see you for roles in commercials and movies and TV shows. If you look like a Hell's Angel, you shouldn't go out for accountant roles. My problem is I think I look one way, but other people see something else.

After my set at the Brewco later in the week, a guy approached me with his card out. He wore sunglasses even though it was well past 11 at night. He had a blue baseball cap which he wore backwards and pulled low.

"Very funny", he opened. "I like the golf stuff. I'm Jerry Steinberg. Steinberg Productions. We do music videos and some commercials. I have a client who makes golf driving nets. The kind you can set up in your back yard and hit golf balls into. I need a golfer type to be in a commercial. Interested?"

Of course. I have a classic golf look - square jaw, piercing gaze and athletic body, like Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson. Combine that with my beautiful swing and winning personality, I knew I'd be perfect.

"Tell me more", I said, as if directors were always approaching me after my sets.

"Well, I need a guy that is not in as good a shape as he could be. A guy who could be further in his career but plays too much golf. He's obsessed by it. But, he's not very good."

"Oh."

"He's the kind of guy who buys all the latest golf gadgets and doo-dads but never gets any better. Eternally hopeful, eternally lousy."

"OK."

"He uses golf to distance himself. Instead of spending time building relationships, he works on his golf game. But his swing looks like he is chopping firewood."

"Uh-huh."

"But, he has money. And spends it on expensive stuff like our golf nets. Do you think you could play this character in our commercials? And infomercials?"

"Well, I don't really know anybody like that."

But a gig is a gig. I'll study up on it.

(C) Copyright 2001 Joe Ditzel and first published: http://www.joeditzel.com/

You think you have problems. Joe Ditzel filled a book with his. Get "Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems - a collection of my best humor columns" now available from Hartford-Whaley Publishing.
 

Where to see Joe Ditzel perform:
Every Wednesday 8 Pm Vance Sanders Show, Westwood Brewing Company, Westwood, CA

Cantu notes:
 

Email from Cantu to Joe

Subject: Commercial gig with Jerry Steinberg
 

"Joe, did you follow up with the Steinberg Productions agency?"

Email from reply from Joe to Cantu

Subject: Commercial gig with Jerry Steinberg
 

"Cantu,

"It's pending. Supposedly we are going to shoot some stuff next month. He hired a friend of mine (comic Leslie Nesbitt) to play the character of my wife.

"Still. I'm never sure about these Hollywood types. I'll believe it when the check clears.
 

Joe"