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VIRTUAL HUMOR WRITING CCLASS:Performers do not know how to sit down and create material, number one and number two, they also feel it's not real, it's not organic unless it just happens. So what DOES happen is you've got performers who suddenly get on the phone trying to get material. I have two partners and as writers we write and sell material to Bobby Slaten, Michael Pritchard, Will Durst, Jerry Sobel, Kevin Meany, Jose Simoen, Ron Lucas, on and on and on... What happens is suddenly the Tonight Show calls the comedian up and says, hey, we want to have you on air, we like your act but you know, we can use three minutes of your material but the rest is too dirty to use, you need two more minutes. Then the comedian gets on the phone, "John, can you write some material for me. I've got a gig coming up and I need two or three minutes of material." They simply don't have the luxury of waiting six months to get that material. Writers sit down and write it on demand. Writers write in a week what most comedians take a year to develop. We are going to show you in this class how to sit down and do it on purpose. I love this class. It's great. It will knock your socks off.  What's the difference between a Humorist and a Comedian? Click Here and find our! |
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VIRTUAL COMEDY WRITING COURSE "If I give you a joke, I make you funny for a day. If I teach you to joke, I make you funny for a lifetime."® with John Cantu © HumorMall.com Student Answers: 
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AUTOMOBILE
People: Elderly driver
Place: Racetrack
Thing: Flat Tire
Misc.: 'Driving Under the Influence'
SHAWN B.
5/14/07
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COMBO JOKE Subject: Office Association: Jail Place of work resembles a prison: We spend all day in tiny cells called cubicles. I think the guy next to me is making a shank out of his letter opener. We're allowed no personal phone calls. At least when you're arrested you are allowed one phone call. We even have informants who rat to the boss if we're slacking off. Gary B. 11/22/07 VALID COMBO JOKE 1. Car: Backfire Electrical/Mechanical: Stereo I installed a car stereo in my car. Now it backfires in treble or bass. 2. Car: Gas and Ethanol Electrical/Mechanical: Blender There are now cars that run on a mix of gas and ethanol. My old car runs on a mix of hope and prayer. Gary B. 10/25/07 GREAT! COMBO JOKE 1. Car: Seat belt Mechanical/Electrical: Toilet Earthquakes are so frequent in California that my cousin has installed a seat belt on her toilet. 2. Car: GPS (Global Positioning System) Electrical/Mechanical: Lawn Mower My neighbor is always getting lost. He even has a GPS on his riding mower. Gary B. 10/24/07 GREAT! Office Stress Misc: Health benefits
Office Stress People: Doctor
Office Stress Joke: Things are so stressful where
I work that the primary care
physician in our HMO is
Dr. Kervorkian
Suggested re-write: Things are so stressful where
I work - our HMO's primary care
physician is Dr. Kervorkian
1. Expensive thing: Perrier bottled water Car Places: Car wash Expensive Car Joke: My friend's Ferrari cost a lot of money, and he treats it like royalty. In fact, when the car needs cleaned, he washes it with Perrier water. My friend worships his expensive sports car. So much so he washes it with holy water. 2. Expensive Thing: Perrier bottled water Car Places: Car wash Expensive Car Joke: My friend's Ferrari cost a lot of money, and he treats it like royalty. In fact, when the car needs cleaning, he washes it with Perrier water. My friend worships his expensive sports car. So much so he washes it with holy water. 3. Expensive Thing: Gucci Car Thing: seat belt Expensive Car Joke: My friend's Ferrari is really elegant. The Gucci seat belt came with a matching handbag 4. Expensive Thing: Chandelier Car Thing: Interior light Expensive Car Joke: My friend's Ferrari has an elegant interior: tan leather seats, a spiffy dashboard, and instead of a dome light, there is a chandelier GREAT! Particularly liked #3 & #4 Gary B. 6/22/07 1. Car Misc : VIN Old Misc: Roman numerals Old Car Joke: My car is so old that the Vehicle Identification Number is in Roman numerals Good but... try not to start with 'so old' Suggested re-write: I don't know how old my car is but the Vehicle Identification Number is in Roman numerals. 2. Car Things: tires Old Misc: wrinkled Old Car Joke: My tires are not only bald; they're wrinkled. GREAT! 3. Car Place: driveway Old Thing: fossils Old Car Joke: Even my driveway is old. The tar on my driveway contains fossils. VALID 4. Old People: Bach, Beethoven Car Thing: radio Old Car Joke: My car is so old that when I first bought it, the classical music station was playing today's biggest hits. VALID Structure but don't get it 5. Car Thing: Hybrid Old Misc: Geritol Old Car Joke: My old car is a hybrid: it runs on gasoline and Geritol. GREAT! 6. Old Things: age spots Car Misc: hybrid Old Car Joke: I drive an old hybrid car: it's half rust and half dents GREAT! 7. Car Misc: Sunday drive Car Place: Driveway Old Thing/Misc.: walker, very slow Old Car Joke:If I want to go on a Sunday drive with my old jalopy, I need to start pulling out of the driveway on Friday. GREAT! Of course it's not what I say that's important - it's what the audience tells you with their reaction. But I think you've got it Gary! Gary B. 6/15/07 Car Misc: Engine purrs like a kitten
Old Thing: Saber-tooth tiger
Old Car Joke: So old it no longer
purrs like a kitter,
it growls like a
saber-tooth tiger
(VALID - but try not to start with 'so old')
Gary B.
6/12/07
Suggested re-write: I knew it was time to trade in
my old jalopy for a new one when it stopped purring
like a kitten and started growling like a sabertooth
tiger.
OLD
People: John McCain
Place: Nursing
Thing: Home Dentures
Misc.: Forgetfulness
Gary B.
5/23/07
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